The following is a 100-vocab-word essay I wrote for my English class. The vocab words are numbered because my teacher insisted that we do that and I didn't feel like going back and changing them all.
The Boston Red Sox appear to be on the advent (1) of a stellar (2) season. After a disconcerting (3) Opening Day loss to the penurious (4) Kansas City Royals (who, owners of baseball’s lowest payroll, are notoriously (5) impecunious (6)), many fans postulated (7) prematurely that the Sox were in the throes (8) of an evil, Yankee-enamored (9) god. Eventually, though, these innately (10) pessimistic fans were forced to have a revelation (11) and realize that one loss does not besmirch (12) a record. After their unemphatic (13) Opening Day performance, the Red Sox regained their composure (14) and turned April into a month for the archives (15), never again appearing vulnerable (16). On April 22, the Sox sluggers completed the seemingly ludicrous (17) feat of hitting four consecutive home runs against their anathema (18), the heinous (19) New York Yankees. As Sox fans watched the debacle (20) of Yankees pitching unfold, they felt payback for all the years the repulsive (21) Evil Empire had usurped (22) the division title. When the vain, egotistical Roger Clemens signed with the Yankees several weeks later, some Red Sox fans felt jaundiced (23) and made caustic (24) comments, but the truth is that Roger is washed-up and self-centered, with a propensity (25) for infantile (26) histrionics (27) due to the cavalier (28) belief that the entire baseball world glorifies (29) and exalts (30) him as its pinnacle (31).
The Red Sox’ once-ramshackle (32) pitching rotation underwent an upheaval (33) during the busy offseason, and now exudes (34) talent. The BoSox boast as co-aces the iconic (35) Curt Schilling and Josh Beckett, the latter no longer tentative (36) in his sophomore season in Boston. Japanese phenomenon Daisuke Matsuzaka, entrenched (37) in his position as the third starter, is master of eight baffling pitches, the fastest of which careens (38) by at 96 mph and the most dilatory (39) of which is a duplicitous (40) changeup with screwball-like movement. The venerable (41) knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, entering his twelfth season in a Red Sox uniform, returns to his fourth spot in the rotation, while interim (42) starter Julian Tavarez rounds out the rotation until Jon Lester returns from a perilous (43) bout of cancer (luckily, the cancer was found in its nascent (44) stages). The formidable (45) starting five will certainly prove inimical (46) to opposing batters’ averages. The Red Sox also boast Major League Baseball’s best current bullpen, able to withstand daily travail (47) while being parsimonious (48) in the number of combined runs it allows. The repercussions (49) of facing any one Red Sox reliever include strikeouts and bellicose (50) glares at the mound.
The Red Sox also have a lineup capable of turning pitches into projectiles (51), and their hitters are currently hot enough to be the genesis (52) of a conflagration (53). Leadoff man Julio Lugo, despite a propensity (54) to overthrow first base from his position at shortstop, is an upgrade offensively from Alex Gonzalez. His vibrant (55) personality is a huge change from Gonzo’s stoicism (56), even though he appears attenuated (57) and atrophied (58) because he is thin. Kevin Youkilis is in line for another solid season, if last season presages (59) anything; his biggest flaw is his tendency to hold himself to strict criteria (60) and feel mortified (61) after striking out. The avuncular (62), altruistic (63) behemoth (64) David Ortiz bats third, a huge man with a huger smile who appears constantly at charity events; he is known for being extremely munificent (65) with his opulence (66) (being a mogul (67), of course, he is a multi-millionaire). Last season, the man known as Big Papi sullied (68) records with his fifty-four prodigious (69) home runs, many of which were walkoffs hit with bravado (70) and marked by a pious (71) finger-point towards the sky. Hitting after Ortiz is Manny Ramirez, the dreadlocked slugger with a phlegmatic (72) brain but a bat so redoubtable (73) that, despite his nebulous (74) thoughts, many sequester (75) him into a coterie (76) of hitters so talented that they are considered sacrosanct (77). Red Sox fans have become inured (78) to Manny’s “Manny-isms”, which brought about the epigram (79) “Manny being Manny.” J.D. Drew offers Manny protection and snags fly balls about to cross the short façade (80) in right field, and has been producing in Boston, despite an oft-aggrieved (81) shoulder and a reputation of listlessness (82) and a blasé (83) attitude. Mike Lowell, given the sobriquet (84) “Mr. Doubles” for self-explanatory reasons, has become a team leader and a dependable hitter, known for his probity (85) and his fantastic defense at third base, in addition to his ability to hit the ball at and over the Green Monster. The team’s captain Jason Varitek is the ultimate “dirt dog”, free from grandeur (86); as catcher, calling games is his métier (87) – he spends hours studying video of hitters and memorizing arcane (88) statistics, trying to pick up on abstruse (89) details so he can lead a foray (90) against opposing hitters. The ambidextrous (91) switch-hitter Coco Crisp follows ‘Tek; last season, Coco was sidelined by a broken finger and was never the same player after his convalescence (92). This season, however, Coco’s productive at-bats have seemed to presage (93) a better year, and his fidgety batting stance (94) is always entertaining. Rounding out the batting order is the diminutive (95) Dustin Pedroia, in his rookie season as a major leaguer. At 5’7”, Pedroia appears lilliputian (96), yet his tiny body is able to produce grandiloquent (97) home runs, and he is believed to be in the incipient (98) stages of an impressive career.
The Red Sox call the felicitous (99) environs (100) of Fenway Park home, and they are lucky to have one of baseball’s most historic venues (101) as a ballpark. They are famous for pulverizing (102) opponents on their home turf, yet this year they have been sensational on the road as well. The vicissitudes (103) of the season are bound to take their toll, but this team is buttressed (104) by an excellent farm system. Should injuries and various forms of malaise (105) take their toll, replacements are waiting; thus, the world should remain in equilibrium and the Red Sox should remain in their rightful spot: ensconced (106) in first place.